if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
