If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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