So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
