Three words: puerto rican gang bang
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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