sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize