He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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