we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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