while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
