I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
