I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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