go do what you do best...puke behind churches
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
