I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
