my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
