Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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