Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
