btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
