I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
