I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
