Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
