Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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