Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
