I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
