I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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