I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
