We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
