well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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