brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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