did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
