he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
