I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
