I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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