im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
