Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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