We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
