Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
