My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
