I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
