Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
