all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
