The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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