at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
