how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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