4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
