This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize