you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
