quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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