In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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