I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
