Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
worst night to have a conscience
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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