I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
