Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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