Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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