Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Less talking, more tequila
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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