brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
