absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
