I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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