I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
