i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
