So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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