just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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