No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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