I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
