They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize