if i can run in heels then i can drive
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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