doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
