Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
