I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
