While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
