ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
