Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
