and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
