White coat. Heels.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize