Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
