he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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