I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will be naked everywhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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